Blake Horstmann is trying to prove he is not a bad guy after the dramatic first two episodes of Bachelor in Paradise revealed a love triangle between him, Caelynn Miller-Keyes and Kristina Schulman.
Blake apologized Tuesday on Instagram for sleeping with both Caelynn and Kristina on back-to-back nights at Stagecoach in April, and then shared text messages between himself and Caelynn during the three-day country music festival, saying that he felt he had to release them because of attacks on his character made on the show.
In Tuesday night’s episode, Caelynn told Blake that he made her feel like a “f—ing dirty secret.”
“I feel like a slimy, disgusting secret that you’re ashamed of. You literally told me to lie for you,” Caelynn told Blake in Tuesday’s episode.
Blake later told the camera, “It looks like [Caelynn and I] slept together and I bolted. And that wasn’t what happened. Sometimes you try to do the right thing — I didn’t want to disrespect Caelynn, I didn’t want to disrespect Kristina. Man, this is bad. I look like the worst human in the world.”
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The text messages Blake released Tuesday night to try to show his side of the story.
Caelynn did not immediately respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment.
The text messages begin with Blake telling Caelynn “no” when she said she was coming over to his place during Stagecoach.
“It’s fine,” Caelynn wrote. “Chill it’ll be good.”
“No that’s what they all say,” Blake responded.
In another set of messages, Blake tells her, “we can cuddle but no sex lol,” to which Caelynn responds, “Yes sex Only sex.” He told her that he had “will power,” but she said “yo we both know that’s not true.”
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“If I come over it’s strictly for sex,” Caelynn said. “Nothing more nothing less.”
“That’s what they all say,” Blake said again.
Blake then shifted to sharing an exchange he says occurred one week before it was time for them to head to Bachelor in Paradise.
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“I’m freaking out,” Caelynn said. Blake admitted that he was scared, and that he was thinking of pulling out of the show.
The two seemed to be deliberating on whether or not to go public with the fact that they slept together, and Caelynn asked if they could take a few days to think about the decision.
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“Well I just don’t think you will feel any more comfortable and sure if we have another day to think,” Blake said. “I guess let’s just be honest.”
“We f—ed up so bad,” he added in another message.
Caelynn said, “If we play it off as not being a big deal then it’s not. Everyone hooks up in this world.”
But Blake seemed to be able to sense the oncoming drama, and replied, “It’s gonna be. Ya but not everyone is you and me.”
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Another set of messages show Blake texting Caelynn, “How you doing? Just wanted to check in.”
“I’m good,” Caelynn said. “Better. Everything is goooood.”
Although Caelynn agreed with Blake when he said he thought they were “overthinking everything,” and that they “will be alright,” she later texted him to say that she was “stressed and can’t stop thinking about it.”
Blake explained his decision to share the messages in a lengthy Instagram post and an emotional video on his Instagram Story.
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“This is the last thing I wanted to do, but my name and character are being attacked. My name is all I really have,” he said in the post of his decision to share the texts. “Most of all, it is the only real way to prove that what is being said by Caelynn and the story that is being shown is far from the truth. I’m deeply sorry for my actions at Stagecoach but telling the world that I silenced a woman amongst many other harmful accusations was just too much.”
“I hope Caelynn can forgive me one day,” he said in a video on his Instagram Story. “I’m not trying to go and attack Caelynn, I’m just trying to get my truth out there.”